Fran's Magical and MooseFilled Journey of Joy
by LuckyTattoos
Summary: A Fran-centric crack fic mostly involving Bel as well. Beware. Nothing is sacred. And nothing makes sense. Warnings: Language, Violence, Future Yaoi and Lemon, Drug-use, CRACKFIC, Major OOCNESS, and ahhh whatever else you can think of I suppose.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Hello guys! Tsub here (Second Authoress/Smutyaoifan). This is the first fic that LuckyTattoos has made, and my first collaborization too. I'm here to give you the down-low for the first chapter of this strange fucked up story.

First of all, Dom and I switch every paragraph, and Dom started, so that's how you can tell who wrote what. For instance, she writes from 'Once upon….' To 'much sense either..' and pick up after that. It doesn't really apply to dialogue, as sometimes that begins a new paragraph…oh well. We really hope you enjoy this, because we CERTAINLY enjoyed writing it. :D

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Future Lemon, Future Yaoi, Drug-use, somewhat Non-con (but then again this is a crack fic so who cares), major, major OOCness (like seriously), Crack couples, This story does not make sense, and generally Insanity.

**Disclaimer: **WE DO NOT OWN REBORN, PEDO BEAR OR SOUTH PARK. Or Twilight. Thank God.

**Fran's Magical and Moose-Filled Journey of Wonder and Joy. **

**Or Something Like That.**

Chapter 1

Once upon a time in a land far far away lived a young man and his frog… no, that's not right. Actually maybe… was his sister a frog? His mother? No no…. something closer more like… Ah! Right. Ahem. Let's try this again. Once upon a time in a land far far away lived a boy who was also a frog; or so many believed due to the large bulbous frog helmet he wore. In truth however; he was a simple human. He had two legs, not four, two arms, not zero, he did not have a giant sticky tongue, and aside from the times his mean stepbrother Belphagor shoved them down his throat, he did not eat bugs. Orphaned by his frog- er… human parents after a terrible car crash, Fran, our protagonist, was adopted by the cruel Xanxus who had many children, one might say, he didn't actually care for. But when one is competing with a certain Sawada Tsunayoshi who seems to get new family members like they grow on trees, you can't steal… no no, we mean adopt, yup that's it, you can't adopt too many children from orphanages. So Fran now lived in this hell hole of a house where everyone hated him and he had to wear this stupid helmet just to survive and do all the stupid chores cause he was new to the house and he had to sleep in the worst bed that was hard and lumpy and his room was always cold- though that might be because his roommate- Belphagor once again- always stole his blankets saying something about being a prince and how frogs didn't need warmth cause they could just defrost later. Yup Fran didn't think it made much sense either…

While muttering to himself after having to clean up after another drunken brawl between Squalo and Leviathan, Fran discovered a trap door under the rug in the living room/big room/where they all hung out or whatever room. He was wary of entering this newly found curiosity holder, but when he heard Belphagor yell for him to play another game of House, he quickly threw all hesitation away and jumped down into the darkness. As he looked around, he found that he was in a magical land with a sky of purple and a sun that looked like it was a pedophile.

But upon further inspection; though maybe it wasn't the smartest move considering he looked like a 12 year old, Fran noticed that while is wasn't a pedophile, it was indeed Pedo bear. Slowly inching his way back towards the door, the purple mist slowly began to engulf the frog headed boy and bash him against the wall. Suddenly, Xanxus came down stairs with Squalo not too far behind him. As the scary leader man spotted the blue hair- wait was it blue? Green? Maybe it was aquamarine… er okay so Xanxus was glad he hadn't voiced that thought and scratched rhyming off his internal lists of cool things to do to be cool. The point is when he spotted the frog boy and he was mad.

"What the hell are you doing in my play room!?" Fran looked up

"Oh? Is that what this is? I thought it was someplace fun…" Turning to leave, Fran walked up the stairs and approached the two other men before stopping at Squalo.

"Though I'm sure you have loads of fun." His monotone voice making that sentence Oh so convincing. Way to tell a great joke Fran, way to go. Continuing on his way out and ignoring the funny faces and curses of the swordsman, the boy left with a sigh. Great. Now he would have to play doctor with Bel… its not like there were a hundred other places to hide in this giant mansion… oh wait he could! Ah that's right… there weren't, Bel had already found them all.

Then he thought about something…Maybe, just maybe, he could escape from this house prison of torture and doom and Bel. Just maybe…So as he sneaked around all ninja like, all the while wondering why Xanxus had Pedo Bear in his basement and then deciding that thinking about it might cause cancer, he came across a slight crack in the wall. Looking around himself, from left to right from up to down (hey, you never know), Fran took the nearest heavy object and threw it against the crack, hoping to widen the crack. But then he realized that the heavy object he had just thrown had been a bomb. Who woulda thunk it. Uttering a quick 'My bad' before fleeing in a random direction, the bomb went off and BOOM half the wall of the house was decimated. Thankfully, Xanxus and Squalo were still in magical playroom-happy land, so Fran didn't have to worry about them stopping him in his escape. But there was always the danger of Bel. Praying to God, Buddha, Kami-sama and Hi-Chew, the boy leapt out of the rubble and ran for his motherfucking life.

However, Fran never did have good luck, and just as he felt the warm grass beneath his feet, only cause he forgot his shoes, He was grabbed by someone and knocked out. When Fran woke up he was in the scary dark prison of doom, well looking around, it was actually just his room, and it wasn't a prison, he just happened to be tied to a chair. But on his behalf, Bel was in the room as well, so it might as well have been that thing he said before. The froggy child tried to open his mouth to protest but found he could not speak because there was a piece of duct tape covering his mouth. Oh that was just great. Fucking thing would hurt like a bitch to rip off later… especially cause he needed to shave… Fran laughed to himself, what idiot told Levi that mustache made him look good? Fucking idiot… that's what he looked like, so on second thought Fran shrugged; maybe it suited him. But that wasn't the real problem here, the problem was that Bel had captured him, knocked him out, put tape over his mouth and tied him to a fucking chair- and a really uncomfortable one at that. The blond was staring at him- or so Fran assumed since he was facing him and no one could see Bel's eyes anyway. Yet this particular stare- or hair… in front of… eye movement… glance… concealment… well Bel's laughing made him kind of nervous- it was never a good sign.

The worst part of the situation was anticipating and wondering what the crazy so-called-prince would do next. He actually would have wished he were in the hands of a killer or a rapist, because at least they would have made sense. The crimes that Bel commit don't make much sense at all, or were at least completely psycho. Hm, but looking at the situation maybe Bel was going to slowly strip his clothes piece by piece, possibly with a knife which would leave scars that he would have to explain one day to his psychiatrist, and then leave him whimpering and helpless before he turned him on his stomach and…NO BAD THOUGHTS BAD THOUGHTS. He had to make it positive. Yes, positive thoughts, like…like…what did he enjoy? God he was such a boring child. Fine then, he would make something up that he liked. Maybe a scene of him standing victorious over the defeated bodies of his step siblings and father, striking a pose of dignity and…

"Hey, snap out of it." Bel grinned. "You're kind of drooling, shishishi…" Fran blinked and realized he had zoned out. The last time he zoned out he had missed Christmas…that was a terrible, terrible time. The bloodthirsty teen continued his strange and unorthodox laugh before grabbing a big brown sack and placing it in front of Fran. The restrained boy started to panic. What was in that bag, exactly? His death? A chainsaw? Pockey? He preferred the latter. Bel finished his laugh before slowly opening the bag. "Oho, I'm going to make you regret ever even contemplating leaving me with all these boring siblings when you are such a fun target." Sweat rolled down Fran's neck as he waiting for Bel to pull whatever it was out. And it was…it was… A TV? Fran blinked. What wizardry was this? What was a TV going to do to him? The blond started to laugh again as he pushed a sketchy looking videotape into the VCR. "This my friend, will be your worst nightmare for months." Fran snorted. This was the best he could come up with? But as the film started to roll, the frog kid thing's eyes slowly widened in exasperating fear. No, it couldn't be…Anything…ANYTHING BUT THIS. Yes, you guessed it, it was…

NEW MOON. DUN DUN DUN DUN.

Ah. This couldn't get any worse. For one, that pigeon toed… pattin shoed… padder sews? Well whatever that pat something or others name was, he was scary looking! And that Bella girl… what the hell was her problem, after all this shit the guys tells her he's experienced and she freaking WANTS to be a vampire? I mean, if he were Edward he would find that insulting and slash her throat right then and there. Fran thought as he was actually starting to enjoy the movie. He laughed at Bel's failed attempt. Suddenly there was a loud explosion and the screen went and did that static-y thing where it turns gray and has those like exploding black and white candies everywhere. And just when he was getting to the good part! What was going to happen was that wolf guy going to save her? What she going to get eaten? Oh Fran really hoped so. Just then Bel walked into the room again laughing his head off. God that laugh was so annoying. What the hell was his problem? Had someone drugged his mother with laughing gas when she was pregnant? Did they like fumigate his mother's uterus with it? Or maybe he was dropped on his head and this was the result of many years in a straight jacket. Fran didn't know, but as Bel pulled the tape off his mouth, he learned one thing. He was right. Fuck! That hurt like a bitch. Rubbing his mouth he stared up at the idiot prince expectantly but he just stared back.

"You can go now"

"Huh."

"I said get out!" Pushing the boy out of he room Bel slammed the door causing Fran to turn around and knock incessantly

"Wait Bel I want to know how the movie en-" and then there was nothing but that stupid laugh. That was it. He would never know how the movie ended? What kind of sick twisted...That was it. Fran needed his revenge.

After having a long night's sleep with no blanket and dreams of vampires licking Mary-sues' tears in a way that was meant to be romantic but just came out kind of creepy, Fran awoke to himself falling out of bed. Well, it hadn't been the first time. Rubbing his ass, he hoped that Bel hadn't heard him because now was the time for his revenge. Ah yes, Fran was skilled in the way of the teenage bitches; he could dish out some crazy shit and leave you going 'WHUUUT'. So he tiptoed in a way that would make Looney Tunes proud through the room to the bathroom, which totally had a door leading from the bedroom, and sloooowllyyyy closed it behind him. Resisting the urge to cackle evilly to himself deciding that that would be completely out of character and would receive a many of flames, Fran continued to the cabinet behind the mirror that surprisingly Bel had never figured out. He proceeded to pull out a variety of assortments. "This'll be goooood." THE NEXT DAY. Bel woke from his brilliant dream of finally going to Disney World, to the feeling of disappointment as it was only a dream, and that was all it ever was going to be no matter how many times he thought he finally rode Dumbo. Stretching a bit, he leapt out of bed and trudged over to the bathroom. Yawing, the Prince reached for his red washcloth before catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. OH MY GOD he was…He was…. A FUCKING GINGER. There were freckles, red hair, his bangs were cut so you could see his effing eyes, and his skin was pale as can be. No no no, this couldn't be happening. But then as he tried to think his own happy thoughts before hugging himself in the bathtub, he remembered the night when he forced Fran to watch South Park with him. OH NO HE DIDN'T.

No way. No. Bel would not let that little brat get away with this. Pulling himself together a nice hard slap to the face, Bel decided to take a shower, a very long shower, and when all the make up came off…well it blew his mind.

"So that's how that stupid fat kid did it."

However, he still had that atrocious hair color, and although he wanted to pull his hair out, princes were not bald—not the good ones anyway. Pulling out a large pair of aviator sunglass—he was super stylish and he knew that the world was just jealous of his good looks—and even though he had receive them as a joke from that Lussuria bastard (cause no one could see his amazing princely beautiful awesome eyes) the joke was on him cause now he actually had a use for these super princely glasses. But when he put them on he discovered that the fucking bastard made them black out lenses so he couldn't see shit. But that was also okay, because his princely bangs impaired his vision any way, so it didn't matter. So he went back to the attached room, and still no one could see his eyes. After all, they were too amazing for stupid commoners to see. He laughed until he saw—now wait, as he felt and knew (cause he's an amazing prince)—Fran looking at him with that stupid expressionless face, Bel pounced on and started strangling the boy.

"You Bastard! How dare you mess with my princely good looks!" he exclaimed as he choked the boy to death "My hair was a beautiful royal color and you…and you—!" In the midst of strangling poor Fran to death so much that the boys face was the color of the playroom magical land's sky, the Prince started to cry. Caught off guard, Fran stared incredulously at Bel while trying to recover his breath and hoping he didn't miraculous have asthma. That sadist was…crying? That sadistic crazy blood loving egotistical sociopath? The scene was awkward. Fran didn't really know how to react, so he coughed nervously and tried poking Bel's shoulder hesitantly, as if he was a diseased extra terrestrial being.

"Hey…" pause "C'mon sempai. Like, you can dye it back..." No answer. "Uh…I'm sorry? Okay? Please just st-"

"FOOLED YOU!" Bel pounced back on the boy.

"SHISHISHI you really thought I was sad, weren't you? You're too damn soft!" Gahh…Fran cursed himself inwardly. Shoulda known. He wondered to himself that maybe the Prince actually had been sad but was now really embarrassed…the world may never know. Just like tootsie roll pops…Mmm…..BACK ON TRACK. But if he wasn't he wondered why he had tried to fool him in the first place, because if it was some sort of diss than gosh darn it that was superfuck fail. The frog boy would have thought about this all day, but you must remember he was currently DYING. But, just then, he felt himself drift away…When the teen awoke he found himself in a magical land—no, that's been done already. It sure was magical looking, but Fran was skeptical. It was just all clouds and sky and…OH SHIT he was dead. Fran snapped his fingers in annoyance. Now he lost that bet with Squalo…Good thing he was in heaven since he wouldn't have to pay him. Haha, the joke was on Squalo. No but in all seriousness he was kind of dead. But why heaven?

**A/N: **Ahhaaaa so what'd you think? Great? Hilarious? Confusing? Retarded? All of the above? We think so too. Flames will be expected, but put out by Mukuro's awesomeness. Because….Well because he's just that awesome. R&R BITCHES.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Hey there campers. It's Dom this time around (Authoress/TotallyObsessive :D) and it's my turn to give all you kind followers of this gibberish the low down.

Now in case you don't remember, Tsub and I switch who writes every paragraph. As for who started this chapter so you can actually know who did what? Well I don't know and I'm sure it doesn't matter much to you, but if it does you can always go back to the first chapter and start from paragraph one, I'm sure you'll be able to tell us apart eventually though. So, here we go again with another chapter, and remember you're really reading at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you.

**Warnings:** Language, Violence, Future Lemon, Future Yaoi, Drug-use (but is it really if he just happens to have it on his person?), somewhat Non-con (but you so know he really wants it), major, major OOCness (were not joking, but then again it might always be a trap), Crack couples, It rarely made sense to us either.

**Disclaimer:** We don't own Reborn! Or anything else in this story except maybe the concepts and the purple, flying, dancing hippo.

**Fran's Magical and Moose-Filled Journey of Wonder and Joy. **

**Or Something Like That.**

Chapter 2

Fran wondered if Bel had meant to kill him. Ah well it didn't matter! Walking around Fran saw a welcome sign positioned on the giant floating group of clouds. It read "Welcome to Frog Heaven!" As the boy read this and cursed out loud, he couldn't even begin to say how pissed he was. He had to look for a way out. Finding a shovel conveniently placed nearby, the teen started digging through the clouds…well, what else should he do? Maybe, or so he figured, that if he dug through he could fall back to earth. It worked like that, didn't it? So as he dug, the Frog God suddenly came out and told Fran he was a human, and for deceiving the Frog God he would be sent to the most terrible place on earth.

"Hell? Fran asked curiously, but the Frog God shook his head.

"Worse." Thinking what could possibly be worse than hell, Fran suddenly found himself back in his bedroom.

"Fuck." He cursed aloud as he stared at Bel sitting over him on his bed and sharpening his knife. Stupid Fucking Frog King! He would have rather been sent to hell; at least it was warm there…

As he cursed to himself for what seemed the millionth time that day, Bel looked from his knife to him and widened his eyes.

"Oh…you're alive?" Fran rolled his own.

"Unfortunately." The prince then coughed.

"Uh, well then this'll be quite awkward." The frog boy raised an eyebrow.

"What are you talk—" He looked down to find that the lower half of his body was a of a moose's.

Shit.

Then Fran broke out into a stifled, nervous laugh.

"You got me there Bel…Haha now put me the fuck back, K please?" Belphagor chuckled nervously.

"Shi..shishi…well you see, I have no idea where that moose went…OH and happy birthday your kidney is now an alarm clock. Better watch out at three o' clock."

Silence.

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT BEL!"

"And I might have slept with you."

"What do you mean might have?!" Fran Paused.

"Wait… did you 'maybe'" he held up his fingers in quotations "Sl… slee… sleep with me" Bel chuckled as Fran's inability to produce he thought into words as he continued "Before or after I got the lower half as a moose?" Bel stopped… wait. Which was it? Before or…

"You know, that's a good question." Fran stopped. Was this guy serious? "Now I'm curious… your moose ass better not hurt. It's unprincely to have sex with animals…" Fran paused before becoming more uncharacteristically enraged.

"OH BUT IT'S PRINCELY TO HAVE SEX WITH SOME ONE YOU JUST KILLED!?" Bel shrugged.

"Happens all the time in the castle. Actually, it's what allows us to be the royal family." Fran stared dumbfounded.

"You're… you're serious…?" The prince nodded.

"What kind of fucked up… Change me back now!"

"And what's in it for me?"

"I don't care about you! Change me back." Bel got up from his seat, sharp knife in hand.

"Oh? Well I think that hurt my feelings. Give me a reason to change you back, come one, what do I get when you're a little human froggy thing again?" Fran frowned, this couldn't be good.

"Well… we can… we can…" He clenched his eyes shut. 'We can finally play that game you alw-"

"OKAY!" That was easy… but the consequences on the other hand… Fran shuddered. Bel got up from the bed again and put his hands behind his back.

"Well first we need to find that Moose. He couldn't have gone far… having a moose head and all…" Fran nodded in agreement. "So I propose we put up wanted posters with a reward and then search around ourselves." Fran sighed but nodded again. He had to start calming down; he was supposed to be the cool guy! The boy might start to lose his fans- no. He shouldn't think about that. So what if he was part moose? It probably meant he had a monstrous dick. Fran smiled to himself. Yeah… monstrous. Trying not to zone out again, the boy decided to get started. He raised his hand and Bel pointed to him.

"Yes?"

"Where do we get the supplies to make these signs?"

"Oh! Xanxus has an arts & crafts room." Fran stared.

"W-why?" Just then Xanxus came sprinting into the room.

"I HAVE HOBBIES TOO!" and ran off.

The two blinked.

"Well that was weird…" Fran nodded in agreement but the two continued on to Xanxus's craft room.

"So how do we…?" But Bel had already started to ferociously cut and paste pictures and different papers together. He was really into it. Fran shrugged, he was sure the prince was simply looking forward to his prize. As Bel finished the posters, the two continued to walk through the town and put the strange posters up. When they had finished walking in a large circle around the town, completely skipping the large center of the city. When they got back to the house, Bel frowned.

"I didn't know your legs were so strong Froggy… who knew you could support a whole moose head?"

"Yeah well… all the muscle is from trying to push you away." Bel shrugged.

"Whatever." Suddenly the two spotted the moose eating some food nearby and they chased after it. However, Fran's alarm clock kidney had started ringing and he fell to the ground.

"S-stupid fallen prince! Hurry up, I'm dying!" Just as Fran faded out to another form of heaven, he saw Bel catching that fucking moose. After getting to moose heaven and being punished once more for tricking the moose God, he opened his eyes with Bel beside him once again. He groaned.

"Ugh… I thought these stupid animal Gods were supposed to be kind and understanding. So why the fuck can't they just send me to hell? Why this place? Why do the Gods hate me?"

"Hey shut up, I'm talking to you." Fran looked up at Bel and then down at his body.

"Oh thank God-" no scratch that. "Thank Human God."

His beautiful, ultimately cool body was back. But he couldn't help but feel a tinge of disappointment as he stared at his pants… monstrous… He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a cough. Looking up at Bel who was showing a rather creepy smile, Fran feigned a confused smile.

"Well?"

"Well what? Bel Chuckled.

"Shishishi. You know what I want." The frog boy sighed. He supposed it was time… even if it was the blond's fault he was in this whole mess.

"Okay… master…" Bleh. He wanted to barf as he spoke. "I'll- I'll be your servant."

"Shishishi. I thought I told you to call me 'your royal, princely, highness, who-is-so-much-better-than-the-world-or-that-idiot-Raisel, majesty'. You can only call me master on Tuesdays." Fran frowned. This stupid son of a bitch… but by now he had learned better than to try and get Bel back for all the fucked up shit he did to him. It was why they were paired together after all. The blond had a short fuse and a messed up head; and Fran had a high endurance for stupid.

"Fine, fine. Can we just go inside? It's kind of cold out here."

"How do you properly ask me if you want something?" Fran feigned another confused look and Bel frowned. "First of all, get rid of the stupid monotone voice."

"I can't do that. It's my trademark." Bel rolled his eyes.

"Just lose it. Second," He moved closer to the boy and whispered in his ear, his hot breath ghosting over Fran's skin and sending shivers down his spine. The froggy but his lip to stop a small gasp of surprise from escaping. Bel grinned.

"You have to beg me. Get on your knees with that face you make, you know the one that doesn't bother me like your normal un-cute one and then…" He nipped at Fran's earlobe. "Maybe the prince will be sympathetic to you." The aqua haired boy blushed slightly.

"B-but sempai… This is a crack story… the readers would get mad if you turn it into smut." Bel smirked.

"Shishishi. Like I care. I'm a prince so I'll still have tons of fans. Unlike you Froggy."

But that's where Fran drew the line. Taking a quick break from his ukeness, the boy rose up with a finger pointed.

"Hey! I totally have more fans than you!"

"No you don't." Bel snorted. "Mammon probably has more fans than you."

Fran gasped. How dare he mention that deceased low-life that he was constantly trying to live up to? "Plus, when you put our names on the Baidu site image search, only pictures of me come up!" Fran was the one to snort this time.

"Bullshit. Let me see." He pulled out a computer from his invisible pocket- just like in Sonic- and typed it in. "Damnit… stupid Chinese…" The prince smirked in victory.

"Alright, breaks over. Go back to you uke state." Fran sighed in defeat. Forget what he said earlier, he would have his revenge, just not any time soon. The prince smiled seductively and traced a hand through the green/blue/aquamarine/sometimes strangely blond in fan art locks.

"You annoy me so… but at the same time, I can't get enough of you."

Fran rolled his eyes. It really was turning into some smutty yet deep and angsty fanfic wasn't it? But he played the part just as well as he felt a faint blush cross his face.

"S-senpai you…"

"Hmm?" Bel asked with an interested smirk as he continued to brush away Fran's hair.

"You're…"

"Spit it out already."

"You're sickingly cheesy sempai."

"Shut up frog." Magically- because we are intent on keeping this a crack fiction- Bel and Fran used the magical power of the re appearing purple fumes… smoke… whatever, to carry them up to the window and into the room (but in reality they were cooler than that cause really they just teleported, you know, cause it was magic). At this point the authoress really wanted to write smut, and she knew Bel wanted to be part of that, and that maybe somewhere deep deep down, Fran did too. However, this was a crack fiction as Fran had previously stated and she didn't want to stray from such.

So instead, a dancing hippo came in and started to sing the Namimori middle anthem. Then he scooped Fran up in his arms and kidnapped him, thus ending the possible smut. (Second authoress dodges rotten tomatoes and angry Hibirds.)

Anyway, Bel was pissed, because being a prince and all means he always got what he wanted and didn't appreciate being denied. Especially when it came to Fran. And sex. He would find that dancing hippo, oh yes he would, and when he did, he would make sure it could never sing or dance again. DUN DUN DAN DUNNN (obviously the second author has a strange fetish for these loud endings of stupid drama)

A/N: So you wanna know the ending yet? We hope so, and Fran does too, so if you want to make him a happy little froggy please Review and Fav! We'd greatly appreciate it and so would the rest of our funny little family! Until next time!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Tsub here, and heeereee is chapter 3! So, unfortunately we're not getting in many reviews, which makes us and Fran sad pandas. We can see that a lot of people are reading, but not reviewing. Please, even if it is something around 'liek uber funniez LO1', that would brighten our dim, dim days. :D Anyway, I'm sure if you're reading this up to now you know what you have gotten yourself into so need I say more?

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Future Lemon, Future Yaoi, Drug-use, somewhat Non-con (HE SO WANTS IT), major, major OOCness (like OH EM GEE), Crack couples, This story does not make sense, and generally Insanity.

**Disclaimer: **WE DO NOT OWN REBORN, Taco Bell, Paris Hilton, Republicans, Malcolm in the Middle or Mentos! (UM. IF YOU ARE A REPUBLICAN, NO OFFENSE KAY THANX?)

**Fran's Magical and Moose-Filled Journey of Wonder and Joy. **

**Or Something Like That.**

Chapter 3

So now it was Bel's turn to go on a magical and hippo- filled amazing adventure of wonder and blood. Sure it was a bit more crude than Fran's journey, but the prince thought it worked. After hundreds upon thousands upon millions of seconds of searching, Bel finally found the dancing hippo's magic smoked filled lair.

"So this had been that fatso's plan all along, huh? Shishishi. Well I'll teach him to steal my un-cute kouha- slave." As the prince walked into the purple ditch, it did not take him but two seconds to come running out with and unconscious Fran in his arms. Suddenly there was a loud explosion and the two were blasted back into their bedroom window. As Bel landed on his bed, he blinked, confused.

"Well that worked rather well…" It was just then that Fran woke up. When he did, his eyes went wide and he began to flail around tirelessly.

"Ah! Get the fuck away you stupid giant hip- Oh… " He blinked. "Its just sempai…" His obnoxious monotone voice was back.

"Tch… that's no way to thank your master for saving you, slave." Fran blinked then held up his thumb, his face expressionless.

"Good job." And then Bel dumped him on the floor.

"Idiot. To make up for being such a terrible servant you're going to indulge me and make my every wish come true." Fran swallowed hard. This couldn't be good, especially with the authoress laughing at his last action, realizing what she wrote. Bel grinned, his pearly, white teeth sparkling as he sat back against the wooden headboard of his King sized bed. "Now strip."

Fran blinked. What should he do? According to his character he should stare blankly and oppose. But...well this was some predicahappenstance he had here. Twitching slightly, the boy took a deep breath and pulled off the large frog thing. Well that was a relief. But, now he had to move onto something bigger. Fran took off his shoes.

"There, happy sempai?" He asked with that emotionless voice. Bel growled and threw a knife at him, which Fran gracefully dodged since he took ballet lessons every Wednesday.

"Are you stupid?! _All _of it!!"

Fran blinked again.

"But...what else do I take off?" Bel slapped a hand to his face.

"You are just loving this, aren't you?"

"Whatever are you talking about, sempai?"

Bel raised another knife, so Fran rolled his eyes and stopped playing dumb. The boy then proceeded to remove his shirt and pants. He made sure to put his pants down nicely as his stash was packed neatly in the pockets. Hey, when you're living in this house, you sure as hell need it. Following that he then took off, yes, GASP, his socks. How crude. The prince tapped his foot impatiently on the floor.

"And...?" Fran blushed and turned away his face.

"Ah, please don't, you perv-"

Another knife was thrown.

"Okay, okay!"

And he _slowly _removed the last bit. He snorted. If only he had his moose half now, oh Bel would be sorry..

Unfortunately Bel was not in the least bit sorry for his actions. And so Fran stood in the coldness of his room, and watched unhappily as Bel frowned at him. Through no one would know it, because those big giant obnoxious sunglasses were on his face, he was actually scanning Fran's body up and down with a most unpleased expression.

"S-sempai?" Bel shook his head.

"No. Something's not right." Fran could feel his blush deepening. What was this stupid prince talking about?

"What do you-"

"Put the hat back on." Fran blinked, all-well most-traces of his embarrassment leaving.

"Huh?" Bel shifted slightly to lean against the wall and fully face the boy.

"Are you stupid? The hat, the big round giant frog head shaped thing sitting on the floor. Put it back on."

"B-but..."

"No buts froggy. I told you always to wear it and now is no exception." Fran sighed; he was never going to win this so he might as well give up. It wasn't really cold anymore but he really didn't mind so much wearing the hat, he always did anyway...but the hat was way over there, on the floor, far away, where his hands couldn't reach from a standing position. Yeah...Fran really didn't want that hat.

"S-sempai...you have strange fetishes."

Bel was going to run out of knives at this point. Fran looked from the hat to Bel, to the hat, and back a few times.

"Sempai, what if I told you I actually don't speak Italian, but I've been making it up all along and I don't have a single id-"

"GET THE FUCKING HAT!!!!"

Fran supposed things would get ugly..._er. _He took a deep breath, sucked his stomach in, and bent over. The only way he could get through this humiliation was to sing a song in his head. Now what was it on Malcolm in the Middle again?...Oh yes... _~Mentos, the freshmaker~ _and somehow it could make all the bad things in the world go away. Like AIDS, Bel, Taco Bell, Paris Hilton, Republicans, Bel, and lice. Did he say Bel?

Well if he didn't, it worked for that stupid prince too, and as he continued to hold his breath, Fran placed the bulbous helmet back on his head. The thing is, the boy was so into the song now, he had forgotten to let out his breath.

"Shishishi. That's much better-Hmm? You're turning blue Froggy.... shishishi. How stupid...you forgot to breathe." Now, Bel thought about taking out a knife and chucking it at the boy to get him, however there were two problems. He had already thrown all his knives at the boy, and, well his second choice was a lot more fun. Getting up from his bed, Bel walked over to the still spaced out boy, and grinned widely. Slowly the prince grabbed a large bucket of water and threw it in Fran's face. The boy gasped as the cold liquid stung against his skin and he blinked several times before focusing on Bel and realizing what had happened.

"Thank you sempai." Bel laughed and then Fran noticed how close the other was to him.

Bel made a quick look up and down his body. He smirked.

"You look good drenched in water."

Fran blushed.

"But I could get pneumonia..."

The prince rolled his eyes.

"Excuses, excuses." The blond then placed a hand on the other's chest, Fran flinched. Then, the second authoress had no idea how to continue the crack, so she used her magical authoress powers to make Xanxus walk in at that very moment. She knew she would be bashed soon.

"Hey guys, have you seen my aquamarine crayon? I know you were in my crafts room and I _really _need it to make my ocean pr-"

He stopped.

He stared.

Second Authoress laughed.

And Bel froze.

"Um...you see, Fran was drowning. That's why he's wet.... And it was in the bathtub...That's why he's naked...So I had to uh...give him CPR." Bel threw him on the floor and proceeded to pound his chest-not knowing what he was doing-and give him mouth to mouth. But uh, he got caught up in that part and forgot what he was trying to accomplish. Fran was not pleased.

Kicking and flailing, Fran managed to freak Xanxus out enough to make the man want nothing more than to leave.

"Right...well just make sure you get your life guard certificate renewed. I don't think you're doing it right." With that Xanxus left muttering about idiots and maybe getting swimming lessons for his family or how maybe Squalo could teach them because he was a fish anyway... or something like that, I don't really know. Anyway, so Bel continued to try and revive Fran, even though he had been trying to kill him in several ways earlier and the frog figured he would just never understand the stupid fallen prince. Finally Fran was able to push the stupid blond off of him and moved away quickly. Hugging his knees to his chest, Fran rocked back and forth before looking up at Bel.

"You're a rapist sempai."

"Shishishi, it's more fun that way. But I'm a prince so on one would refuse me anyway. Therefore, it's always consensual." Fran blinked.

"S-sempai, I don't think that's how it works..."

"Besides, I was saving your life."

"But I wasn't drowni-"

"SAVING...your life." Froggy sighed. This was obviously a losing battle.

"Well is there a reason I taste chocolate right now? Hmm?" Fran shook his finger "You're a diabetic, Xanxus forbid you sweets."

Bel growled. "I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!"

"You're such a child."

The prince was growing impatient, and he didn't think that the mentos song would work for _him. _So, instead of acting reasonable he simply jumped Fran and started to make out with him. Now the poor frog boy had no idea how to react to this sort of thing. He had never actually kissed another person before-Well, that fat chick didn't count in his point of view. There had been many an opportunity though, with his dashing good looks and molestable appearance. But being Fran, he simply thought it a gross and unnecessary procedure. Especially since most of the people had been creepy perverts and Pedo Bear that now lives under his bed even though he _insists _that he's over twenty. Anyway, nobody believes him when he tries to tell them about it so he gave up a while ago.

But that was getting off topic. So as Bel continued to suck on his face, Fran tried to focus on not being taken complete advantage of. The prince's tongue was slimy, the kiss was wet, and Fran would be sticking to his statement that kisses were gross and unnecessary. But maybe, just maybe if he went along with, if he acted like he consented to such actions, Bel would get bored and stop. Putting his hands on the blonds shoulders Froggy leaned into the kiss as he began to reciprocate the actions. He would get his right. If he acted clingy enough Bel would get turned off. It was worth a try at least...if it didn't work, well, he didn't want to think about that. So as Fran let Bel's name escape his parted lips he wondered when this story had taken a turn down smut road.

Bel wasn't surprised when he felt Fran kiss him back and moan his name. After all...he was Belphegor. A prince. Who could deny him? And Fran wanting him made him even more turned on. The blond let his hand wander down and grasp a certain place rather hard. The blunette had forgotten he was naked. His eyes shot open and he violently pushed Bel away. Well...That plan failed. The prince frowned.

"Hey. Why'd you do that? It was going so well.."

"Well...I...uh...I have AIDS."

....

Bel blinked.

"So...you're not a virgin...?"

Fran smacked his face.

"Didn't you just hear me? I have _AIDS_!"

The prince shook his fists.

"WHO WAS IT? WHO WAS IT DAMNIT?!!"

Silence.

Mumble...

Bel squinted his eyes.

"What was that?"

Fran rolled his eyes.

"Oh nothing...just RASIEL!"

The prince gasped.

"OH YOU WHORE"

Fran couldn't help it; he burst out laughing-Bel's face was just too funny. Bel frowned as he realized his mistake.

"You're lying, aren't you?" Fran nodded though his fits of uncharacteristic laughter.

"You FUCKER!" Tackling Fran for the umpteenth time that day, Bel once again began to strangle the boy.

**A/N: **So yeah….R&R….and you win… a frog. *holds up a frog* Isn't he cute?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Hi Dom here. Sorry this chapter took ions to come out. Tsubasa's computer crashed and she lost the files but luckily we were able to some how salvage them after much stress and spazzing out. So thanks for staying with us and without further ado here you are. Enjoy.

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Lemon, Yaoi, Drug-use, somewhat Non-con (HE SO WANTS IT), major, major OOCness (like OH EM GEE), Crack couples, This story does not make sense, and generally Insanity.

A LOT OF SEXUAL CONTENT. WE MEAN IT. LIKE THIS SHIT IS DIRTY. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

**Disclaimer: **WE DO NOT OWN REBORN, if we did, there would be hippos and random dancing everywhere. ALSO we do not own Dragonball Evolution (thank god) or Enzai (aw).

**Fran's Magical and Moose-Filled Journey of Wonder and Joy.**

**Or Something Like That.**

Chapter 4

However, Fran's third trip to heaven was cut short, and he cursed because the frog boy was sure he was a set for human heaven this time. But no, he plan was ruined as one of those stupid Vogola brats popped up right outside the window. Both Bel and Fran froze. The word of this would obviously spread through the Vogola family. And when Xanxus found out what an embarrassment they were, they would surely both go to heaven then. Anyway, Bel stopped strangling the naked frog helmeted boy which he then sat on and stared at the stupid looking kid in the window.

"What the fuck do you want?"

The boy blinked.

"Haha. What a weird game to play." Fran blinked. Was this boy an idiot? But the boy's attention span proved short as well.

"Have you guys seen Squalo?"

"Uh...not...really?

Bel snorted. "He's probably in Xanxus' room."

The illusionist shot him a glance, but didn't say anything. Yamamoto nodded with a smile.

"Ah, I see. Thanks." Annnnnd he ducked back down. The prince sighed, and then turned back to his prey.

"Now..." there was an evil glint in his eye.

"Where were w-"

The baseball player popped back up.

"HEY GUYS!" Both Varia were silent. A vein pop was beginning to form on Bel's forehead.

"What is it _NOW_?" Yama grinned.

"Oh nothing. Just hanging around." Fran tilted his head to the side.

"How did you get up here? We're on the 5th floor..." He peered over. "Are you even standing on anything? How did you find us?"

"AND WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?" Bel cut that in. The brunette pondered this, obviously not catching the angry tone.

"Well, gosh darn it, who knows. I suppose I'm here because it's nice here."

The frog boy frowned. "Ehhh~did you not hear my question-"

"DIDN'T YOU WANT SQUALO?" Yama smiled.

"Oh yeah...I did." Fran felt ignored.

Bel grit his teeth, letting Fran feel ignored further. "Well then, why don't you find him? Can't you see we're busy?" Yamamoto shrugged. "I was supposed to train with him today so I cam all this way over here to Italy-which is really far from my home, cause I live in Japan you know. So I came here from Japan to train with Squalo but then I remembered that actually I wasn't supposed to train with Squalo until tomorrow but... it's expensive to fly out here...haha and it would take so long so instead I-"

Fran blinked and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Was it morning? Had Bel let him go? Had he really escaped without a scratc- Ah no... never mind. He was still stuck in this stupid situation with that bastard Bel and that idiot rain guardian that bored him into slumber.

"So anyway, Squalo says he doesn't want to see me more than he has to, so I thought I'd hang out with you guys until tomorrow. I hope that's okay." Bel blinked. This boy was a fucking idiot. Couldn't he see they were busy? That they were in he middle of getting the authors a smut option and the readers something interesting to read in this crack fic-wait...well it was crack wasn't it? So crack pairings would be acceptable...but the prince was so close to having the froggy as his own...no. Crack or not, he would not allow his first fun time with froggy to be a threesome. So just as the prince opened his mouth to reject the idiot, Fran spoke up first.

"Of course. It's not problem at all." The blunette smiled, feigning more innocence.

The blond creeped his head towards the other with a glare. Oh he was going to pay later. Yamamoto on the other hand, beamed. "Really? Thanks!" So hopped through the window and into the room, all the while reminding the two how much shorter they were than him. Damn, weren't the Japanese supposed to be short? What was wrong with this series? But said teen interrupted their solemn thoughts.

"Soo, how do I play this game?" For some reason, Fran kept forgetting he had no clothes on. He wondered why Yama hadn't noticed this...stupid boy. The frog boy also thought this story needed more crack, _and _he wanted to get revenge on Bel for killing him a zillion times and raping him 1½ times. So in all his naked glory he strut over to Yama like an experienced prostitute and pressed himself against the boy, arms wrapped around his neck.

"Hey Takeshi, wanna have some fun?" Behind him a prince was boiling over like the second Authoress did when she watched Dragon Ball Evolution (The horror).

/_ TIMEE SKIPPPP :D _/

"So, are there specific rules?"

Yama was so, so stupid. And Fran was having a panic attack. He _really _needed to stop thinking up plans. Especially since now he was in an immobile position between the two boys and now he felt a hand caressing places that shouldn't be caressed. The boy blushed at a certain Vongola's words to the extreme (coughRyouheicough).

"Well, the rules are that the first one to make Fran cum wins."

Silence.

Yamamoto blinked. Then he smiled. "OHHH! I know this game! I play it with Shamal and Gokudera all the time! But that doctor always wins."

He snapped his fingers with a sigh. Both Varia stared for a bid and then realized that they _really _hadn't wanted to hear that. The prince was the first one to break the silence with a cough.

"I... see. Well anyway, achieve the goal by all means necessary-"

"WAIT! Don't I get a say in this?" The poor froggy was furiously trying to get out of the other's grip to prevail. Bel laughed. "Ahhhh...You're funny sometimes dear Fran..._shishishi.._"

"Bastard."

Yamamoto laughed. "Okay?" But seeing as Fran was grabbing onto his shirt, it was easy for the Japanese man to grab the Froggy and push the short blond out of his way. There was a different look in the tan man's eyes now and Bel knew this had somehow become a serious battle. Yamamoto liked games, and this was one game he was going to win. He had to prove himself to these guys. So he pushed his body closer to Fran's as he groped the boy's ass and began to slip his tongue into the froggy's mouth while his other hand traveled lower. A soft gasp escaped Fran's mouth as he gave into the gentle yet rough kisses he wasn't accustomed to receiving.

"Tch,...Bastard." Bel was pissed.

Not wanting to be upstaged, the blond moved the Japanese man's hand away and wrapped one of his own around the illusionist's length, feeling the other tense up considerably. He smirked and placed his mouth on the back of Fran's neck, sucking it slowly. This was all too much for Fran. The poor boy had never had _one _person molest him much less _two. _But at least it was...enjoyable, he found, and only hoped that the second authoress would not turn this sadistic since she had currently been playing too much Enzai. As Bel's hand slowly caressed the throbbing shaft, Yama decided to switch tactics and move his mouth lower down his chest. The man then took a small bud into his mouth.

Fran's eyes shot open at the new feeling and gasped as he let out a small groan. This was really going to far, even if it did feel really, really good. And as Bel began to pump harder, intent on not being out done, Fran felt his knees give out. The two other bodies followed him down and he leaned against Yamamoto as he fisted his hands into the fabric of the man's shirt. Feeling that now was the time to make the big game changing mood, you know cause Yamamoto did want to win, he continued to move lower, and with quick hand eye coordination that came from years of baseball and sword play, he grabbed Bel's hand and stopped the prince's ministration before engulfing Fran's hard *cough* member in his mouth. Fran moaned loudly as the moist hotness around him sent an intense feeling shooting through him.

He could feel himself reaching the end, as he bucked his hips into Yamamoto's mouth, overcome with this sensation. The left out Prince, on the other hand, was far from happy. He felt he should try something new, so with both hands he clenched Fran's butt cheeks and spread them open, surprising the boy. Then he put a finger in the illusionist's mouth.

"Suck them."

Not really knowing what was going on anymore anyway, Fran complied. Quickly as he had put them in, Bel removed them and then hurriedly stuck them some place lower.

"AH!"

This was another sensation that the blunette was new too, but wasn't sure he enjoyed too much. This didn't matter to the prince though, and so when he thought him readied enough, he slowly stuck something much larger than his fingers. Tears welled up in the boy's eyes and he started to see bursts of white spots in front of him.

"AH!-Ah!-! Sempai! Yama!-"

"TAKESHI?"

All three jumped at the new voice, and the Japanese man turned his head to see Gokudera standing at the door with tears in his eyes. FUCK.

"Ha-Hayato, what are you doing here?" The Vogola right-hand man sniffed, rubbing his eyes with his clenched fist.

"I-I went to fight you s-since Judaime said you had gone off to find Squalo-but..BUT!" he cried.

"YOU ONLY PLAY THAT GAME WITH ME! ONLY WE HAVE SEX!"

Yama gasped.

"WAIT THIS IS SEX?"

Even in the midst of this "sex" both Fran and Bel stared lamely... Yamamoto stared up at them. His mouth still occupied-which made it a wonder as how he could talk-, he blinked slowly and then looked back over at Gokudera before a pop was heard and the Japanese man was on his back, rolling around and laughing like an idiot.

"! You-you guys-you guys should see your faces!" he managed to get in through pants. Fran frowned; this was totally killing the moment.

"You really think I'm that stupid? I know what sex is." There was an evil glint in Yamamoto's eyes as he smirked, once gain surprising the other three with his uncharacteristic actions. His voice was huskier now and he seemed almost evil, but his eyes were normal and it was not some random appearance of Mukuro.

"You've all been fooled by my ignorant act." He chuckled dry. "And now," He took Fran's hips in his hands, "I have a game to win." Taking the boys still throbbing member in his mouth, Yamamoto gave a few hard sucks, his competition still incapacitated from shock. The Japanese man smirked, ignoring the screams of the Italian and as Fran cried out in pleasure, finally reaching his climax, Gokudera gave out a cry as well.

"GO DIE THEN ALL OF YOU! WHAT DO I CARE!" With that he threw out a deadly explosive and ran out, which somehow only Bel managed to notice.

"Oh shi-"

_**BAMMMMMMM!**_

**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed this chapter. So what do you think? Are we special enough? We would really appreciate any feed back! Please review!


	5. Epilogue

**A/N: **HEY IT'S TSUB! So this is it guys... the last chapter. We're kinda disappointed though, because only one person reviewed last time D: THANKS TO YOU SaharaDesmail! Well... This is the end. It was a lot of fun! But don't worry, we shall be coming up soon with a Durarara! crack fic. So stay tuned! And uh... watch Durarara if you haven't... yeah. :3 LOVE YOU.

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Lemon, Yaoi, Drug-use, somewhat Non-con (HE SO WANTS IT), major, major OOCness (like OH EM GEE), Crack couples, This story does not make sense, and generally Insanity.

**Disclaimer: **WE DO NOT OWN REBORN, if we did, there would be hippos and random dancing everywhere. ALSO we do not own Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, Cocaine, Charmed, [Switch], or Brian Regan. But it would be really cool if we did own all that. Except for the coke part. We live above the influence, kiddies. -thumbs up-

**Fran's Magical and Moose-Filled Journey of Wonder and Joy.**

**Or Something Like That.**

Epilogue

Finally. Fran was in human heaven. He was slightly upset that his climax had been cut off in the middle, but hey. You win some you lose some. He looked around himself, inspecting the place. Eh, it was all right. The scenery was a bit tacky, but otherwise moderately pleasant. The blunette reached God's counter where he had to sign in in order to gain access. As he started to sign his name, he looked up at the all-powerful guy and felt some questions arise.

"So uh, where did Bel and Yama go to?"

God gave an all-knowing nod, being God and all.

"Belphegor went to Hell, obviously, and Takeshi Yamamoto is still stuck in the waiting room in purgatory. But don't worry, I hear they have the latest Sports Illustrated."

Fran made an 'o' shape with his mouth, nodding as well.

"Ah, I see." He finished signing his name. As he gave God a wave of 'see ya later', he put his hands in his pockets and walked around. When he put his hands in the pockets, he felt some plastic bag. Ah, his stash was still there. Thank God. As soon as he did so, he heard sirens go off.

"Oh please no..."

A police car drove up in front of him on those white clouds that somehow could support it, and two officers stepped out.

"Please put your hands on the vehicle and remain steady."

One was a smiling red head and the other was a mean looking blond. Fran rolled his eyes; they had police in heaven? How could this be heaven if he wasn't allowed a little stuff here and there? Even on earth he never got caught...Well, he HAD been in the mafia and all. Sighing, the froggy complied and put both hands on the vehicle, and felt the cold metal cuffs clink around his around his wrists. The red head spoke up.

"HI! My name's Eto Kai, and this here is Hal Kurayabashi! We are NARCS here to make sure you have a pleasant time as you are escorted to hell. We hope you have enjoyed your short stay in Heaven!"

Fran gave up. Did it really matter anymore? Maybe in hell they had beer. Yeah...beer. BUT WAIT. He just realized that meant they also had Bel. Oh fuck no. Just as the mumbling blond grabbed his arms to take him into the car, Fran used all his Wednesday ballet lessons to their fullest and gave him a good 'grand battement' to the crotch and then made a leap for it, running as fast as he could. Hal groaned, keeling over with hands to his crotch. Meanwhile the red head just stood there, blinking. This caused the blond to groan some more.

"Oh dear god Kai you idi-GO AFTER HIM YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING!" Said idiot blinked again, before nodding with an 'okayyy' and then ran after the frogboy.

As the frogboy ran, he thought that maybe those two police officers were idiots since if this was heaven, couldn't they just use their magical God powers to warp him back? Did it work like that? Or had Charmed simply deceived him? Brushing that off, as he had other things to worry about, he let out a screech as he fell through he clouds abruptly. As he was swirling down at the speed of 100 miles per hour, a few thoughts rushed through his head. Maybe he should have bought a puppy? Did he leave the oven on? Had it really been a mistake to have never seen a Brian Regan show? And was this story ever going to have a conclusion? Unfortunately, none of those questions except for the last one would be answered, and instead of hitting the dirty pavement of earth, he hit the hot pavement of hell. Oh bugger. Rubbing his eyes, he looked up, seeing swirling pits of terror and pain all around him, amidst blazing fires and screaming bodies. Well hey; at least the atmosphere here was better. He was sure if he found some earplugs he could get used to it. Standing up, he brushed himself off not bothering to try and wonder as to how he had gotten to hell by falling. But then, he could feel fear creep up on him making his hairs stand up, and slowly turned his head around. There. He was. The prince. Grinning like always.

"Oh for the love of..."

Fran sighed, and figured that it really didn't matter anymore, and that it was time that this story should end. So he simply walked over to Bel, and preceded to smex him up in order to give the readers something to be happy about.

~_FIN~_

**A/N:** *cries* Goodbye~ *waves* AND PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! Cus... otherwise, what's the point of us writing this? D: Don't make us sad pandas.


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